Good for Your Soul

One month from today will be my 22nd birthday. One month from today is also mother’s day. This will be the third birthday and mother’s day I have spent without my mom. One month from today will also be the day after my college graduation. And then I made it. Four years straight I buckled down and made it. The commitment wasn’t easy with the adversities I faced but it is finally really happening. So much coming up so very soon. It feels very surreal typing this.

It seems to me like I should have started to see the light right? I should start to feel some sort of weight lifting from my little shoulders… That’s what I’d hoped.

There were many times I recall asking myself “how can I keep doing this?”

The end of my college journey has been anything but easy for me but then again what part of the four years was easy. The past few weeks have been trying. I thought I could share with you a little bit of what I have been going through.

The past few weeks, I have been sick; very sick. One virus after another and mono. Dreadful mono. What a bummer and terrible timing. I was already over my head and exhausted finishing up my last overwhelming semester of college. At the same time I have been working hard to start off my career and become comfortable at a new job. Only one month to go and the past several weeks I have spent feeling hopelessly drained.

To start, two weeks ago I took a day off work. Yes; a full work day. For anyone who knows me, this is definitely not the norm. I slept all day long. My body was exhausted. It happened to be on a Friday and I ended up sleeping away the whole weekend. However, I still did not feel ANY better. From there things went down hill for me. As I am typing this post, I have still not been back to work but I hope to be after the following week.

I had to learn a couple valuable lessons these past few weeks. It was a little bit of a reality check!

People do have limits. Our bodies do need rest. And one person can only take so much.

Four years had come crashing down on me. I was anticipating a break, some sort of relief but was also scared for it. What happens when I slow down? Will I be okay? What will I do with my time? What will make me happy? The questions consumed my head.

And I miss my mom; oh I miss her terribly. And with it coming up on two years after her death, my 22nd birthday, another Mother’s day, my college graduation… all WITHOUT her it was too much. I was tired… my body was sick and I needed a break.

The real kicker is I am no good at breaks. They just haven’t existed for me. But this time something was different, I could feel it in myself that I desperately needed this break because I wasn’t willing to give up everything I had worked so hard to achieve. Of course giving up is always an option for anyone but it has never and will never be my choice.

butterfly dont give up

As we all know life is full of choices. We are forced to make decisions throughout the course of our lives. Some of those choices may bring us repercussions, satisfaction or even consequences.

That all said, a piece of my mother’s best advice was to always follow your heart and to be willing to accept wherever the place is that it leads you to. And that is the exact advice I decided to follow. Even my heart felt weak. All I could do was cry. I went to my doctor’s appointment and she asked me what was wrong. I replied something like every part of me hurts and it was the truth. Of course then I proceeded to explain to her medically what was going on with my body but it was confirmation to myself that I really did need some time to rest and refocus.

So what is the purpose of this post? It’s simple.

The purpose of this post is to reach out to the people who can relate to the feelings of not knowing when enough is enough. The people who don’t exactly know their limits (and I do not mean that in a bad way). I actually think it is a gift. I think that throughout each of our individual journeys we must take time for our mind, heart, body and self. I will be the first to admit, I am not good at that. But maybe together we can work on it.

I have made a new commitment to myself, I can’t wait to share it with you…

“Whatever is good for your soul, do that.”

I’d like to end this post by asking you what is good for your soul? What keeps you going and brings you an abundance of joy? Please share with me!!! 🙂 I hope this week you will take some time for yourself and enjoy whatever it is that is GOOD FOR YOU.

You deserve it!

Until next time,

Randi

butterfly soul pic 1

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